Ellie's first week of life, I had back-up. Lulu (otherwise known as my mom) was here. She helped me with sleeping at night, calming Ellie down when I just couldn't figure it out, making meals, etc. Seriously, she was a blessing. But, unfortunately, she had to leave...and my heart broke. She knew exactly what to do, yet I could barely get through the day. It does take a village to raise a child, and my village was leaving!
So, back to reality. Lulu is gone. I was overwhelmed. It was Jerry, Ellie and then whatever was left of my sanity. It's no joke that newborns are exhausting. They are. And that whole "sleep when they sleep".... right. Because then you still have to take care of yourself, make meals, keep the house clean, etc.
On top of all that, no-one really tells you how hard it is to recover from having a baby. It's awful. It's gross. And then throw baby blues on top of that. I still can't believe we survived.
We adjusted to this new lifestyle. It wasn't just "us" anymore. We couldn't just drop everything and go out. In our case, we couldn't just drop her off with the grandparents. We are essentially alone here in Alaska. As I'm writing this, we have yet to have a date night, and Ellie is almost 5 months old.
But with all the not-so-fun, crazy, sleepless days and nights....there's this beautiful side to being a parent. This perfect, resilient little person....is yours. And you learn a lot. Quickly. We've learned that no matter how much we prepared, how many books we read, or how many items we bought...nothing really mattered. Ellie decided what she liked and that was it. We bought a bathtub seat. She showers with us. Bassinet. She sleeps with us. Her nursery and all of it's glory. It's used as a room to change her diaper. That's it. You get the picture.
Even though I may have felt like giving up, I'm so glad I didn't. Life means so much more now. A simple smile makes my whole day.
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